On Living Transparently.

by rachael g king on July 13, 2011 · 45 comments

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Oh, little white lies.

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We all do it occasionally – to preserve someone’s feelings, to get out of undesirable plans… to appear as just a slightly better version of ourselves than we are (job interview, anyone)?

But the era of stretching the truth is over. At least, the era of getting away with it is.

In the exploding digital age, we call it being ‘social’ – but what we really mean is sharing. In many cases, oversharing.

Sharing what we’re doing, who we’re with, where we’re doing it. Via Facebook, Twitter, check ins, photo sharing, videos uploaded moments after they’re taken.

Like it or not, things have changed. Especially for a digital native/over-sharer like me – when you’re playing in a space more often, the rules of the game affect you tenfold.

Those tiny, almost-imperceptible lies just don’t fly any more. I’ve been out at a bar with friends who say “Oh, I can’t check in – I told so-and-so I couldn’t do xyz so they can’t know I’m here!” (Disclaimer: I’m not saying I’ve never done it…)

But guess what? Eventually, you’re going to slip up. You’re going to get caught tweeting from the beach when you called in sick to work, or someone from an old job will notice that you beefed up your previous title on your LinkedIn profile.

When someone asks me about privacy in the digital world, my answer is unwavering: There isn’t any. I don’t care what settings you use on Facebook, I don’t care if you password protect that post; once you put it in e-print, it CAN get out to the entire world. That potential is now there. End of story.

So, I’ve adopted a (personal) policy of complete transparency. We preach it to businesses and brands all the time, but what about ourselves?

Nothing goes on the internet that I wouldn’t want my mom or my boss to read. (I am fortunate in having a very cool mom AND boss, but still.) I’ve opted to live by the code that nothing I put out into the world could ever embarrass me or potentially get me in trouble (big or small). My online life mirrors my real life, absolutely.

It’s freeing, really, to not have to keep track of separate profiles, or privacy settings, or “who’s on this network I don’t want to see this?”

I am living transparently, and it is marvelous.

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http://crbh-ruminations.blogspot.com Carla

When I first started blogging a little over 5 years ago I was vomiting my life and everything I knew on my blog. I’m that kind of person in real life too. Then I kind of got caught in some stuff and had to censor myself a bit so as not to hurt our business (The Hubby & mine). We also have a lake home where the community is very small and that had to be addressed because it caused me some immense grief with an innocent, “I hate country music” comment. Really. I’m still quite honest but I’m careful who I include in my words. It is a fine line for sure and will perplex anyone.
http://rufflesandtruffles.com Katie

Oh girl…YES yes yes.

I definitely adhere to the mindset that I would never share anything I wouldn’t want my grandmother to see (and um, guess what? She reads my blog, so there we have it). I don’t censor myself, but then again I don’t really tend to do anything outrageous that I would want to hide from anyone. I like sharing my life on my blog/FB/Twitter/etc; it’s a great outlet for me. I don’t want to have to sit at my computer screen and feel like I need to censor things. Being transparent = being yourself.

However, I do still have friends from my college days who definitely don’t understand the whole “over-sharing” concept. I am the only one of the bunch who is blogging/sharing photos/putting myself out there…heck…I’m the only one of them who even has a Twitter account. What the what? They don’t understand the concept of having “internet/blog friends,” and networking via Twitter/LinkedIn/etc. It blows my mind. Seriously.

http://twitter.com/rachaelgk Rachael

I’m right there with you. It really is a different lifestyle, to always be sharing. (Or oversharing?) But I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s so freeing.

<3

http://closetrockstar.wordpress.com Rachel

I only have this to offer:
http://www.snotm.com/2011/06/75-dont-hide-anything.html

http://twitter.com/rachaelgk Rachael

Hahahaha! Amen.

http://www.oheliza.com Courtney Elizabeth

This is incredibly freeing. I have spent too many years to remember trying to keep my little bubbles separate (family, friends, online friends, acquaintances) and compartmentalizing parts of myself. I am finally starting to feel comfortable letting the bubbles overlap a little bit, but I want to be in a place where I can be 100% transparent.

http://twitter.com/rachaelgk Rachael

Trust me, you do! It feels so damn GOOD. xo

LesleyG

I’m finally getting a chance to comment, but I wanted to finally get over here and say YES, this is so necessary today. For any of us who’ve lived our lives online anonymously before and are now finding our way when we maybe couldn’t before (for reasons like jobs, family, whatever) it’s especially important. You have to learn to filter across the board, which honestly is a whole lot easier anyway. I either talk about something or I don’t, no in between, no juggling.

http://twitter.com/rachaelgk Rachael

Emphasis on the juggling part. Life is difficult enough to balance normally – don’t make it harder on yourself.

<3

http://bellerenee.wordpress.com Renee

You hit the nail on the head, Rachael. I love this. Love love love. But more importantly, I think that bird in the photo looks weird. Like someone broke its neck.

http://twitter.com/rachaelgk Rachael

Now, of course, that’s all I will think about when I look at it. Poor birdie.

http://melaniespring.com Melanie Spring

It’s the only way to live. With or without the worry of getting caught, it should be something we do to make sure to continue great relationships with our clients, friends, family and all those around us. If we hide things it only causes us to be a fraud. Kudos to you for being transparent. <3

http://twitter.com/rachaelgk Rachael

It’s obvious (and inspiring) that you live this way as well. Hooray for being free!

http://nasheralis.blogspot.com nashe

Word! It can be so draining at times to keep track of who’s not supposed to know what, Thankfully my bosses are fine with me doing anything I want as long as my work gets done. I used to be wary of my family members knowing certain things but after a while it’s all so oh-whatevs.

http://twitter.com/rachaelgk Rachael

Yeah, I had to just throw my hands up on that. I yam what I yam and that’s all that I yam… take it or leave it!

http://dreamoncemore.net/ Karen

Definitely the right way of looking at it. And this is coming from someone who blogs using her middle name and does not have her blog & Twitter linked to Facebook. I don’t blog about anything I would lose my job for but that doesn’t mean I want my boss (or potential future employers) to know everything.
Plus, I still get weird looks from my co-workers for being so active on Facebook (because, you see, I actually have more albums than the profile pictures one), so I am not sure what kind of looks I’d get for blogging and tweeting. I’d rather not find out. Most Germans are a lot less in love with social media than I am.

http://twitter.com/rachaelgk Rachael

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with trying to keep a profile on the down low, especially from certain groups. I just wouldn’t put anything in print that would be DEVASTATING, should those people/groups find out, because it is a small, small e-world.

http://dreamoncemore.net/ Karen

Oh, I absolutely agree. Luckily, in my case it helps that my e-world is English-speaking while my r-world is German-speaking so that makes it easier to keep them separate. Most of my co-workers for example are unlikely to read a blog, let alone one written in English.
But I do try to stick to only publishing things that I wouldn’t mind my boss/grandmother/neighbor knowing, should they come across it.

http://bottleupthecrazy.com Jenn

This is a fantastic post.

I recently had my own “I can’t tweet because I’m not supposed to be here” moment (er, day). It was only 12 hours, but I was exhausted afterward. It’s not worth it.

I’m making a better effort about being honest, with everyone, because you’re absolutely right: you will slip up eventually.

http://twitter.com/rachaelgk Rachael

YES. It’s so draining. (Also, isn’t it funny how much work it is to NOT share things now? On one fantastic, bar-hoppy night my phone was dead, and my thumbs practically started twitching from lack of tweeting/checking in on Foursquare.)

http://www.jaime2pointoh.com SillyJaime

You’re 100% right. I’ve never understood how someone could be anonymous on the internet, it just takes too much work. I’m me all over the place. I still tell the LWL here and there, but more IRL than online. I often feel like I’m more myself online than I am in person.

http://twitter.com/rachaelgk Rachael

It can be exhausting, I know from experience!

http://www.jaime2pointoh.com SillyJaime

(just a head up – unless I want to subscribe to every single comment following mine, I don’t get an email letting me know you’ve responded. *sadface*)

http://twitter.com/rachaelgk Rachael

Oh, crap. Downloaded plugin, forgot to activate. Haha. How bout now?

http://www.jaime2pointoh.com SillyJaime

#winning.

http://purekatherine.com Katherine

I experienced a moment of this over the weekend. It was a friend’s birthday and I was invited out, but I was exhausted. I let her know I would be late and went home to nap. When I finally got ready to go out, some new friends invited me out for the rest of the night and the boy I like was in that group. We ran into the other group when they were out. Fortunately the birthday friend is super awesome and explaining the exact situation (boy included) was all that was necessary.

Definitely gave me pause to consider what would have been with a less awesome friend.

I will be keeping this in mind and sticking to it!

http://twitter.com/rachaelgk Rachael

Exactly. And right, what if it was a different situation where you couldn’t explain yourself? AWWWWWWK.

I say avoid the potential for awkward all together! Enough of it happens organically, without our help, in life…

http://www.writingtoreachyou.com Ashley

Living transparently is strangely easier and more challenging at the same time. You don’t have to keep track of your own stories, but you have to live in a way you can be honest about. It’s worth the effort to feel authentic.

Also, love the new digs!

Rachael

YES to “easier and more challenging”. It’s absolutely worth the effort, though, and soon I think it will become natural for us. (And thank you!) <3

http://www.dcprincessq.com Berrak

Exactly. When I had to write under a pen name, it was exhausting. Not that I was doing things any differently & if I met people, I used my real name. It was just something I needed to do under the circumstances.

People forget how much information they put out there & even if they personally don’t do it, someone around them might ‘slip’.

It eventually all comes out so why not be transparent in the first place?

Rachael

You’ll remember I had two full-blown Facebook profiles at one point. Oy. Glad those days are far, far behind me!

http://www.dcprincessq.com Berrak

That’s right!! Glad it’s all behind us now

Chris Hull

You are so right Rachel, eventually everyone slips up. Before you click post, re-read and ask yourself will this hurt me or anybody else?

Then ask yourself, if it hurts somebody else can I get video to show them getting hurt, and will everyone laugh?

Rachael

The cost-benefit analysis approach, I like it!

http://insertmyblognamehere.blogspot.com P

Great, thought provoking post!

I try to live transparently and manage it to an extent but I do worry that my odd vent could land me in trouble sometimes.

Rachael

Never put your venting to paper, on the internet or otherwise. That’s meant to be in the bar over a glass of wine, so no one can EVER prove it happened…

http://watchoutworldimatwentysomething.blogspot.com J

I do the exact same thing these days. The internet used to be a place to be someone else – now its just a place to expand who I really am.

…Look how Zen I’m being at 8:30 am…